Can I dare to be real with you? I love God and Jesus with all that I am. I seek nothing more than to be found well-pleasing in the sight of God. At the same time I struggle seriously with issues of self-worth, giving and receiving love, and many more things. I've spent a lot of my life trying to be invisible and often times I feel like I got no more than I deserved. The thing is that I love God but often I struggle to take my place as His daughter made clean and pure washed in the blood of Jesus.
Sometimes we don't know how to walk out that which God requires. It seems this year has been one of those seasons where I am ever more aware that I don't know how to do this. I don't let people in. I found a new to me song the other day and the lyrics have left their mark on my heart. These first few lines describe me well. "You take your place in the shadows, Play your part, hide your heart, so that nobody knows, All the secrets that you hold, Memories and broken dreams from a story left untold..."
If God can take David--the invisible eighth son of a forgotten family--and turn him into a king, just imagine what magnificent plans He has for redeeming your life. David was born a number 8--a hidden gem, often overlooked and undervalued by everyone except for God. For David, being a number 8 seemed like a curse until the day God transformed him from the unknown eighth son of Jesse into the much-honored king of Israel.
In the words of Mandisa's new song, "Not scared to say it, I used to be the one, Preaching it to you, That you could overcome, I still believe it, But it ain't easy, 'Cause that world I painted, Where things just all work out, It started changing, And I started having doubts, And it got me so down..."
If you deeply desire to feel the touch of God's voice fall fresh on your soul... If you ache for the tenderness of an intimate conversation with the One who calls you His... If you'd like to be embraced by the stillness of God's presence-to return to your First Love and let Him captivate your heart the way a sunrise leans into a new day... If you'd like to experience God in simple ways again... This forty day journey of the soul is for you.
I hate my emotions. I shouldn't because they are God-given. But I do. I tend to be overly sensitive. I feel differently and about different things than most people. So I try to control them. Stuff them down. Cover them up. Refuse to reveal them. Often I would prefer being numb to feeling pain or what I deem as negative emotions of any kind. I know that emotions are God-given and He speaks through them. They are meant to be a beautiful part of being human. They are important to God and He catches every tear.