When the storms of life hit I struggle at times to continue writing in this space. I feel like I have no words that would be of any use to you. So today I come before you apologizing for not being consistent in my writing here and admitting that I don’t have all the answers. Most days I am not sure that I even know the questions to ask. The only thing I know for sure is that I know the Lord and He will bring me through.
I have written in the past that it was in trying to know what we do not know that brings death to us. This was something God revealed to me as I was meditating on and reading Genesis 2-3. In the garden, we had these two trees in the middle, and we all know that eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil would cause death. It is a familiar story and yet I found myself asking questions of God. Why that tree? Why death as a consequence? Slowly it hit me that the enemy used the bait that it would make you wise. Well, I am a deep thinker and I have a lot of questions. At times this can be a bit of a disadvantage because I am constantly looking for answers. The problem is that at times when I can’t find the answers that I get really frustrated.
I would not say that I wait well when it comes to much of anything. Instead, I try to see how I can spin things around. I like a plan, that has a backup plan, and a backup plan for that just in case. So I spin and try to see things happen…always looking for a plan, a way where I can’t see a way. There are times like the current season I am in where there is nothing I can do but wait. There is no plan other than God’s plan and I can’t see it yet. So I have found myself frustrated because I want an answer and I don’t want to wait. I know I can’t be the only one out there who does this. So I toss and turn on my bed as I try to anticipate what God is going to do next.
As I was thinking of writing to you today I was reminded of what I saw as the original sin. I have heard it said that it was rebellion against God’s ways. I have heard it said that it was pride of wanting to be like God. Never before had I seen it quite this way but God showed me that it was trying to know what we do not know that brings death to us. It is the opposite of trusting God when we give way to worry and anxiety. We are fighting with God saying that we know what is best for our lives and that we can do a better job on our own.
Can I be honest? Sometimes I have been really tempted to say, God, this hurts and surely there is a better way. I have had to repent many times because I doubted that God’s way was the best way because He loves me so dearly. He loves you dearly and everything that touches you in this life has been filtered through His hands. He has your best in mind and plans for you accordingly.
So ask yourself and ask God to show you if perhaps like me, you are causing some of the frustrations in your life because you are trying to know what you can’t yet know. Take it to God and apologize for trying to take back control of your life and let Him be your comfort, your hiding place, and He will bring you peace. He will give you peace in the eye of the storm.
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6