3 Ways: Live Loved When You Have Never Seen Love

Photo Credit: Joshua Clay via Unsplash

I’m wondering, do you struggle to live loved? Do you struggle to remember that you are loved without measure by love itself?

God is love. It’s His nature. Because God never changes-He always loves you. It doesn’t depend on your performance, meeting some qualification. No, right there in your most broken mess God loves you.

I’ll be honest I struggle to live loved. In my family, you earned your love and you could lose it almost as quick as you earned it. To be loved and know it you had to meet certain standards, the standards always changed. There was no guaranteed way to feel loved the same every day. So my view of love became circumstantial.

Unfortunately not only did I not feel loved, I learned to give love conditionally. When you don’t hurt me, make me mad, make me feel inferior perhaps I will love you well today. I know that I’m not the only one who grew up in a home where love wasn’t modeled. I’m not the only one who grew up and had a hard time feeling God’s love because of it. Thanks to sin we have many walking wounded in this world. One thing God keeps bringing me back to this year is how loved I am. I’ve known for years God loved me this year God is reinforcing that in new ways.

The problem now lies in living as the beloved of God and not looking for scraps of affection from broken people. This is hard. It’s harder yet to learn to love broken people without conditions because God loves me. When every single day brings strife, hurt feelings, and arrows aimed at my heart.

I’m broken, imperfect but I’m learning a few things.  Some things I can do to make things go easier. It will not erase the hurt they cause it helps me to move forward.

  1. Forgive as an act of the Will
  2. Ask God for the Truth in the accusations
  3. Move forward knowing where you stand with God

Forgiveness as an Act of the Will

You don’t have to feel better to forgive. Go in prayer to the Father, acknowledge this situation hurts and I don’t feel like forgiving. Everything is not okay with this situation. As an act of obedience to you, I choose right now to forgive. Now, Father, you help my feelings to fall in line.

I don’t recommend going to the person right away unless the spirit prompts you to do so. Sometimes I never go to the person directly. Often in my case, the person will never realize that I was upset or they wouldn’t care. I’ve released myself from the bondage of being tied to this situation and this person. As the enemy brings it to mind remind him that you have already forgiven.

Ask God for the Truth in the Accusations

When the person has said something hurtful to you or about you seek God.  Ask God is there any truth in what they said.  Ask Him to reveal to you is this problem really me and something I did or is this problem about them?  Sit with Him expecting Him to answer.  It will take time. You have to be open and get to where you are not excusing your behavior.  You must want to know the truth.  Tell the Father everything that happened. Be honest about your faults in it as well as sharing what the other person did to hurt you.

When you are to blame repent for your wrong and ask God what you need to do to make things right with the other person. When God reveals it’s not you but it’s them. Accept there isn’t anything for you to do to change the circumstances. You rest in knowing in their brokenness and hurt they hurt you. Allow God to minister to your hurt and to reveal to you that you had no part in this problem. Rest in what He shows you and don’t try to take on guilt that isn’t yours. When you can do it with the right heart motives begin to intercede for this person. It’s hard to be mad at someone and pray for them at the same time. bg-twitter

Move Forward

Release the situation into God’s hands and move forward. Let God show you how to ease past the situation with this person. While still being friends and walking forward without bitterness or injury.

This isn’t an easy process. Sometimes you will end up going through the process multiple times with the same person. Try to remember we forgive because we’re forgiven. Also because becoming offended hinders our faith.

As for living loved, I love the way a friend said it recently. “Our baggage from our past has the ability to hurt our ability to bond with others. This hurts the body of Christ.” bg-twitter The reality is we are stronger together. So our responsibility is to personally deal with our baggage so we heal. We are able to bond with our sisters in Christ and stand unified as a stronger Church. When we bond together we now have prayer coverage. This coverage helps us withstand the attacks of the enemy better than we ever could alone.

We are stronger together. I would love to pray for you this week. Hop over to the blog and leave your requests in the comments.  Pray for the need before your own and maybe leave a comment of encouragement for that person.

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4 thoughts on “3 Ways: Live Loved When You Have Never Seen Love

  1. WOW!! You are an amazing writer and the timing is perfect. I am having issues with a close friend that I’m really having struggles in dealing with. This is a great guideline to help me. I ha e been praying about the situation and praying for her. I had realized that she is hurting and I’m on the receiving end of her hurting. But I do realize that I have my part to own in this. Thank you for this post. Blessings!

  2. I just read this blog again. And I will probably read it again and again. It’s so good. I’ve decided to write a letter to my friend tonight and invite God in to guide me. I probably will never give the letter to her. But I feel I need to express my thoughts and feelings about her and the hurt I believe she has caused and that I have allowed. Part of me doesn’t want to deal with it, but I need to in order to heal and I don’t have the courage to say to her directly what I think because maybe my thoughts are wrong. So thank you again Deanna for this godly insight. Blessings!

    1. Kathy, I think writing a letter you will never deliver sounds like a great way to invite God into the pain and ask Him to give you insight into her hurting as well. I know it will prove therapeutic for you.

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